Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.

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  (201): Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats. http://tfl.nu/rbah
  Replies (19) Good night (1296) Bad night (3255)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Whatever it was. it was pregnant.

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  (304): Whatever it was. it was pregnant. http://tfl.nu/utv2
  Replies (6) Good night (692) Bad night (4699)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.

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  (585): I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys. http://tfl.nu/354b
  Replies (19) Good night (5475) Bad night (1844)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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  (503): I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job. http://tfl.nu/hof0
  Replies (15) Good night (2988) Bad night (1608)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.

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  (641): I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob. http://tfl.nu/r7qm
  Replies (9) Good night (765) Bad night (3862)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.

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  (+61): A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul. http://tfl.nu/nbi1
  Replies (5) Good night (1933) Bad night (522)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1618) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.

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  (678): She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing. http://tfl.nu/lgbm
  Replies (4) Good night (1286) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."

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  (386): I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount." http://tfl.nu/nxe2
  Replies (5) Good night (2839) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.

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  (650): I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood. http://tfl.nu/ls7g
  Replies (5) Good night (1145) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  This is what happens when wu tang raised you

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  (920): This is what happens when wu tang raised you http://tfl.nu/8sl4
  Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (362)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!

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  (859): How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair! http://tfl.nu/4980
  Replies (5) Good night (567) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.

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  (801): Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done. http://tfl.nu/ys5o
  Replies (3) Good night (511) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"

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  (260): I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby" http://tfl.nu/6cul
  Replies (0) Good night (625) Bad night (254)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred

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  (814): Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred http://tfl.nu/bcw1
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (272)

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