I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY