I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.