Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl

Replies (36) Good night (1896) Bad night (952)
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(858): View more from California

I like my sex mixed with concussions.

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(858): I like my sex mixed with concussions. http://tfl.nu/qysd

Replies (6) Good night (1089) Bad night (629)
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(813): View more from Florida

I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.

(407): View more from Florida

i think you have the wrong number

(813): View more from Florida

so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.

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(813): I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter. (407): i think you have the wrong number (813): so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool. http://tfl.nu/uuec

Replies (70) Good night (7060) Bad night (602)
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(703): View more from Virginia

tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

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(703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp

Replies (67) Good night (764) Bad night (5731)
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(540): View more from Virginia

First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.

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(540): First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete. http://tfl.nu/s0lg

Replies (22) Good night (5138) Bad night (1009)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.

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(910): He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today. http://tfl.nu/xbxf

Replies (5) Good night (1107) Bad night (1775)
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(972): View more from Texas

I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.

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(972): I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants. http://tfl.nu/algc

Replies (7) Good night (996) Bad night (841)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.

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(416): I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job. http://tfl.nu/hsaj

Replies (3) Good night (591) Bad night (939)
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(812): View more from Indiana

he went at my nipples like a starved dog.

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(812): he went at my nipples like a starved dog. http://tfl.nu/ku4j

Replies (11) Good night (612) Bad night (1378)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"

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(774): You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!" http://tfl.nu/sqoz

Replies (4) Good night (1693) Bad night (491)
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(509): View more from Washington

I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.

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(509): I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin. http://tfl.nu/0dob

Replies (11) Good night (1137) Bad night (594)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.

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(702): Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well. http://tfl.nu/ln4y

Replies (3) Good night (202) Bad night (589)
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(714): View more from California

She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick

(1-714): View more from California

Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!

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(714): She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick (1-714): Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/q4sd

Replies (3) Good night (1430) Bad night (308)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive

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(306): some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive http://tfl.nu/omm3

Replies (5) Good night (547) Bad night (186)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.

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(612): I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin. http://tfl.nu/dn4i

Replies (1) Good night (281) Bad night (484)

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