We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
