my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think this conversation is over.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk