Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am

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  (515): if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am http://tfl.nu/tchg
  Replies (6) Good night (3203) Bad night (670)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.

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  (206): i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate. http://tfl.nu/mwsu
  Replies (53) Good night (6075) Bad night (965)
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  (714): View more from California

  im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?

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  (714): im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join? http://tfl.nu/idc6
  Replies (16) Good night (4796) Bad night (1391)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.

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  (401): the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex. http://tfl.nu/qat1
  Replies (18) Good night (5512) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...

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  (315): Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime... http://tfl.nu/v3a6
  Replies (7) Good night (2241) Bad night (1240)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

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  (360): Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people. http://tfl.nu/w1ks
  Replies (33) Good night (3161) Bad night (1050)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina

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  (440): It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina http://tfl.nu/iyhy
  Replies (7) Good night (723) Bad night (1395)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina

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  (414): I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/a948
  Replies (8) Good night (574) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader

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  (631): he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader http://tfl.nu/jd8g
  Replies (6) Good night (804) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.

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  (215): Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it. http://tfl.nu/dtmi
  Replies (4) Good night (412) Bad night (695)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus

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  (304): I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus http://tfl.nu/js0c
  Replies (12) Good night (1838) Bad night (608)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....

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  (250): Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so.... http://tfl.nu/u1xp
  Replies (4) Good night (660) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?

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  (518): Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt? http://tfl.nu/4gjt
  Replies (4) Good night (316) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.

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  (417): I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low. http://tfl.nu/l7at
  Replies (4) Good night (309) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.

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  (952): I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life. http://tfl.nu/qf1x
  Replies (0) Good night (450) Bad night (319)

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