I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?