also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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