i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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