Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
