I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
