i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
