Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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