I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
