i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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