I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
