you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
