Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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