My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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