Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
