Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
