hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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