Farmville is her only friend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Randomize
