so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
