I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
