Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

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(561): View more from Florida

i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed

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(540): View more from Virginia

I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

(1-540): View more from Virginia

You at least unplugged it right?

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.

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(360): View more from Washington

im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place

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(641): View more from Iowa

Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.

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(303): View more from Colorado

im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.

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