How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
