i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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