So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
