my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
