Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You are the jesus of drinking
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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