They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
