I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
