you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
