I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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