I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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