Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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