never play flip cup with pint glasses
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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