Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
