then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
