Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
