made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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