On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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