We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am mentally ready for anal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
