did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize