ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
