So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
