i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
