over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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