you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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