As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
