Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
