That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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