Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
