I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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