Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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