My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
