We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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