Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
