so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
