We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
