then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
