Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
3 2 1 whiskey
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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