Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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