Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
pray to the hookup gods
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
