forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
