Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
