Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
