i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
