dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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