WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
