It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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