I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
