I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
