i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
