I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You may now shotgun with the bride
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
