Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
