Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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