jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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